Recognizing Negative Self Talk
What is it?
We all have an inner voice that we confer with. However positive or negative that voice is depends on how much we believe in ourselves and our capability. Today, let's focus on the voice that can sometimes destroy us, our dreams and ambition. Negative self-talk is that little voice in your head that tells you that you can’t do something, prevents you from believing in yourself, or discourages you from accomplishing something. We’ve all heard that voice in our heads that tells us we’re too fat, lazy, old, incapable or will be stuck in a situation forever. It’s the voice that makes us hard on ourselves, and if we’re not careful, the voice that makes it ok to stay stuck.
Where does it come from?
This is a question I've asked myself over and over, and honestly until therapy I didn't know self talk was a problem. I was ok talking to myself in an aggressive manner, and scolding myself when I didn’t do what I said I was going to do or perform to the standard in which I thought I should. As I've gotten deeper into my spiritual journey as well as transfers of energy, I realized how hard I was on myself and that if I wanted to grow, I had to change the way I see and talk to myself. I’ve contemplated where this voice comes from, and I found them to come from 3 main places.
1. The Downward spiral we let our minds go into
Negative self-talk begins when we think one negative thought, and then allow that thought to spiral into many other thoughts. For example, I can wake up late one day and think, “ You do this all the time. What is wrong with you?” That one thought could spiral into, now I’m going to be late for work, you won’t have time to eat, you didn’t have time to pack your lunch so now you have to buy something for lunch, now you can’t eat anything healthy for lunch, you might as well miss your workout today because you’re not going to eat healthy at lunch and your tired anyway. I just want to get the day over with and try it again tomorrow! You see how one thought and action spiraled into your whole day is ruined?! When simply it could have been, I woke up late and that’s ok, things happen. Today will be an amazing day. Take the day in small strides and celebrate the small wins throughout the day. One event does not have to make the entire day bad. This is why it is super important to stop yourself when you start thinking negative thoughts and immediately change it to a positive one. Watch how your mind and body shift into being happier and healthier. Life won’t seem so bad.
2. Underestimating the time needed to succeed
Sometimes negative self-talk comes from low balling the amount of prep work that goes into accomplishing a goal. I will never forget how excited I was to start Fearless Fitness. I had all
these ideas and an amount of money I wanted to make. I was ready to dive in head first… until I learned how many steps I was missing. I needed a business plan, branding, clients, people who believed in my product, I needed to believe in my product. I wasn’t quite there in the beginning. I thought everything was just going to fall into my lap. As long as people knew I had a business, they were coming. Wrong! So what did I start doing? Asking myself, why do you think you can run a business? No one is going to buy your fitness products, you will never make any money. Do you know what happens when you think like that? When you talk to yourself like this? You lose the ability to find a solution. Instead you find an excuse. I’ve always found that when I say I will figure it out, or ask myself how I can better serve clients, I can always come up with something creative people will love, which in turn brings more exposure, and I find great joy in the process.
This same example can be used in fitness for people wanting to lose weight. So many people come to me wanting to lose weight or tone up. They are really excited to get started, but in the first two weeks they quit or stop coming consistently because they are not getting the results they want in the time they set for themselves. Not realizing, their timeframe may not be accurate. So what do they start doing? I will never lose weight. I can’t do it. I don’t feel like going, I’m not getting the results I wanted anyway. I’ll try again when I’m in a better head space. It’s the people that say this is really hard, but i’m still going to show up for myself that gets the farthest. Everyday will not always be great, but everyday you can take a small step to boost your confidence.
3. Repeating what others have said to you
The ugly truth is that sometimes that voice in your head that is so loud and discouraging at times, is not even your own, but that of other people. Sometimes we pick up the language of those we spend the most time with. We are most impressionable in our younger years. How parents, caregivers, teachers and peers talked to us internalizes. Not only that, but how they talk to themselves internalizes within us as well. If they were always speaking negatively
about themselves and others, guess what you picked up on? Knowing this not only brings great awareness so that you can learn to deflect others' negative opinions about you, but you can also be more aware of what you say and how you say it to others.
How do I change this voice?
Believe it or not you can change the way you talk to yourself, and in turn change your life. The first step in changing neg. Self talk is being aware. Pay attention to what you say to yourself and how you say it. If it’s something that will not push you forward in a positive way or encourage you to keep pushing forward, change the statement. Each time you think I can’t, change it with I can or I will. Each time you think It will never happen for me, change it to, when it happens for me. In the beginning it can be hard to change these statements, but the more you say them, the more you believe them. Sooner than later the less you have to change these statements, and the more positivity flows to your life. Change starts in the mind. You can do this!
In conclusion, Negative self-talk is something we all battle with in our daily activities. However, we can lessen this voice by being aware that it is a part of us, and slowly work to change our thoughts every time they arise. Each time you start to talk to yourself negatively, replace it with a positive statement and see if your energy shifts and you start to see yourself in a more positive light. I guarantee it will change your life. Peace, love, and light.