As I’m sitting here drinking my coffee and eating my breakfast, the question: what is happiness; is something I’m thinking long and hard about. When I decided to take the jump and quit my job as a full time elementary school teacher, I had no idea the growth process this would ensue within. For people who always ask me how I’m doing, I always say that it’s a beautiful nightmare. Meaning it has been extremely difficult mentally, physically and emotionally, but I love it because it has stretched me more than ever before, and I fall in love with the process more and more everyday. I now have come to understand Beyonce’s song: Sweet Dreams on a whole new level. There are days when I wake up ecstatic about being an entrepreneur and living in my purpose, and sometimes there are days and moments where I just want to crawl in a corner and cry. This is both due to personal and professional turmoils. I often question things like: where is my next dollar going to come from? At what point will I be able to move out on my own? What do other people think of me in the financial state I’m in? How many people judge me for actually putting myself in this position? Am I giving my clients enough? How have I affected my love life by being in this position? These are just a few things I ask myself on a daily.
It’s funny how the universe works because I found a podcast from Lewis Howes today on the Secret of Happiness. Doesn’t everyone want to know, “the secret?” In this podcast he takes clips from different people he has interviewed and gives their take on happiness. Almost all of them said something along the lines of it coming from within yourself. So I sat and thought about my own definition of happiness, and what can make me, or other people happy. My answer is I agree, it comes from within, and I would add that happiness is about self discovery. So many of us conform to society’s pressure of what we should be and how we should act. It’s those that dare to be different and step out of their own boxes that find happiness. I would have to say i’m happier than I’ve ever been (or that I can remember), now that I have quit my job to pursue a fitness career full time. Yes I had a full time job, a nice apartment, and a relationship that all looked good on the outside. The truth was, although I love kids, and loved teaching them, I dreaded going to work everyday because I always felt like I should be doing more. I always felt like God put me on this Earth for something really amazing. I felt like I was wasting my days away instead of living in my purpose, and being happy about it. Yes, I had a nice apartment, but to keep that apartment, I would have to break my back to keep it, which would mean I would have to stay at a job I didn’t really like, plus get a part- time of another job I definitely didn’t like, which in turn takes away from any time I would have to build my brand and be a better fitness professional. In order to stay happy I would have to buy things, that would make me feel temporarily happy. See the cycle here? For the longest, I listened to other people and their opinions of what I should do about multiple situations. Until one day, I said enough is enough, and I was going to start living life on my terms, and trust myself enough to listen to my own wants and desires.
Let me be clear, happiness didn’t come solely from quitting my job. It has come from who I’ve become from quitting my job. I’m on a quest to be a better individual both inside and out, so daily I have to feel feelings that I have brushed off for so long. Feelings of insecurity, incompetence, self-worth, laziness, failure, just to name a few. I’m learning how to process negative self talk into positive affirmations about myself, that in turn allows me to be a better person to the people that surround me, and put out GREAT work. I’ve had to learn to isolate myself from the people and things that bring about negative feelings as well. Knowing that I have full control of my happiness is what makes me happy, because for so long I thought other people or things are supposed to make you happy. A relationship can make you happy, but what happens when things turn left? Money and things can make you happy, but what happens when you lose it? You are left with you. Jeannie Mai from the talk show The Real made a statement that will forever be burned in my brain. She said that you are the only one that YOU have to spend the rest of your life with.You are your greatest love first, then comes other people. People come and go, things come and go, but you are you for the rest of your life. So why not get to know that person the most? With all that being said, comment below and let me know your take on happiness!!